A cancer diagnosis is life-changing – not only for the person diagnosed but also for their family and loved ones. When a family member has cancer, it can be difficult to know what to say and how to help. You may feel overwhelmed or helpless and worry about saying the wrong thing.
It’s important to remember that no two people respond in the same way to a family member’s cancer diagnosis – whatever you’re feeling is perfectly normal. There are also no hard and fast rules on what to say or do. If you’re wondering where to start when it comes to supporting your family member, read on, and consider looking at the Follicular Lymphoma Foundation’s Friends and Family resource.
Your family member may be experiencing any number of emotions. Going through cancer treatment can be a scary time. Lending a non-judgmental ear can give them the chance to voice their concerns and express their feelings.
You don’t need to have answers, just let them know that you’re there for them whenever they need to talk. Sometimes all people want is for someone to listen, then they can find their own solutions. If you can’t be there in person, why not offer a phone call or video call? This may be appreciated if they don’t feel up to socialising, and it can reduce any pressure on their behalf.
Cancer and cancer treatments often cause fatigue and nausea that can make completing everyday chores difficult. If you live with, or nearby your friend or family member, they may appreciate some help with housework, animal care or childcare.
Small tasks, like washing up, doing the laundry, or vacuuming, can ensure they have a nice, clean space to recover in. This can make all the difference, particularly if they can’t get out and about.
As with housework, tasks such as grocery shopping, posting a letter or walking the dog can become unmanageable with cancer. Running errands like these can take a weight off your loved one’s shoulders, giving them more time and space to focus on their cancer treatment and recovery.
It might seem like an ineffective way to help, but sending your family member a gift can help brighten their day and get a few endorphins flowing.
Whether it’s a card with a thoughtful message, some healthy snacks to help them keep their strength up, or a bouquet of their favourite flowers, a small gesture can mean a lot. It shows that you’re thinking of them and this can provide a little light relief during a challenging time.
You can deliver the gift in person — just check that your loved one feels up for visitors first — or send it in the post. Getting an unexpected parcel can be a nice surprise!
Cancer comes with a lot of medical trips. From blood tests and biopsies, to chemotherapy, radiotherapy, and check-ups, chances are your loved one will need to visit the hospital frequently.
You could offer to go with them to keep them company. Depending on your friend or family member’s cancer, condition, and treatment method, you may not necessarily be able to go into the appointment with them, but it can be comforting to have support in the waiting room. Be the smiling face to greet them when they come out.
If your family member is unable to drive and you can, lifts to and from appointments can reduce any travel stress, too.
Whether you’re taking on a caregiving role or not, it’s important to look after yourself. You may experience sadness, anger, guilt, plus any number of other emotions. Try not to bury these — it’s important to recognise that it’s okay to have those feelings. It’s also essential to look after yourself. When you feel run down or burnt out, it can make handling the situation and supporting your family member more difficult.
It’s easy to feel guilty about taking some time to yourself or having moments of release or fun, but your loved one will understand and will want you to look after your own mental, physical, and emotional health, too. Remember that it’s also okay to ask other friends or members of the family to help you out — you don’t have to take it all upon yourself.
For instance, there is a global online community to help connect people with follicular lymphoma and their loved ones.
